Growing up in a small southern city, I saw my fair share of churches on every corner and family members being in church leadership positions. What I didn’t see was transformed disciples. I would hear preaching from the pulpit at our family church but when I got home it evident that truth a church didn’t carry over to home life. The same people proclaiming Jesus where the same people who didn’t resemble Him. This disconnect flowed out to the community. Everyone was a “Christian”, but no one looked like the Jesus of the Bible. So, at a very early age, a lie was implanted, Jesus seems moral, but He doesn’t seem powerful enough to change anyone as a response to belief, I aspired to also become a “moral” person.

I wanted to be the good girl, the one who didn’t do too many “bad” things. Don’t have a baby out of wedlock, work hard, achieve your goals and stay focused was my aim. It wasn’t until I got to college that God would radically change this perspective. During my sophomore year of college, I ran into a girl who was local to my hometown, Jessica. She was hanging up poster for a campus ministry and invited me to come to the next Bible study. I reluctantly agreed and went on about my way. See, because I was churched my whole life and knew a little about God, I had already joined another campus ministry. However, like home, most of us lived double lives, so I assumed this Bible study she invited me to would be the same.

The following week I enter in the room where the ministry congregated and was immediately shocked. It was a room full of young adults and they were worshipping God, but their worship seemed sincere. Something about that moment captured my heart, at least enough for me to want to know more about this ministry. God emerged me into friendship and discipleship with Jessica and a few other ministry members. Over the next few months I would watch their lives, amazed that there were people actually walking out their faith with the Lord. And they were young! As my friendship with Jessica grew so did my curiosity about me to being truly transformed. There was just one big hinderance, a toxic romantic relationship I was in. This relationship began in high school and continued through my early college years. I knew the relationship was unhealthy for me, but the fatherless I experienced kept me yearning for attention and validation, until one faithful night. My boyfriend had broken up with me, even that was God’s mercy because it would have been very hard for me to that.

This heartbreak was a catalyst for my faith in Jesus. One night I woke up in so much pain, I knew it was too late for me to call my mom or grandmother when suddenly a thought entered my mind, you can talk to God. All of the seeds planted in me during my childhood and my recent encounter with this new campus ministry prompted me to call out to the Lord. It was there, alone in my dorm room, that all of my sins were before me. I was keenly aware of how I dishonored God by not only dishonoring my body but also making a person a god. My heart with drenched in godly sorrow, I ask God to forgive me. What I didn’t ask God to do was heal me. I didn’t feel like I deserved it, I realized that how I had been way below the standard God deserved. But in God’s mercy, I woke one morning and the sting that kept me up at night and sorrow that met me in the morning was gone. The moment I felt this freedom I worshipped God and told Him that He could have my life because I was aware I had just received a mercy that I didn’t deserve. Truly His goodness led me to repentance (Romans 2:4)

After this encounter I have since spent my life living for the Lord. I would encounter much more pain on this road and a lot more growing opportunities. But what I have found is that Jesus does radically change people, and He radically preserves people. He has proven to me that He not only saves us, but He allows even what seems like “bad” things to work for our good. Now, I am on a mission to share God’s keeping power with women who are going through difficult seasons. I am so honored that you are here, my prayer is that you would know God’s keeping power so deeply that no matter what season you are in, you learn to thrive.

With Love,